Sadness

As seen on debxena, I had a chat with Taz yesterday morning. After the usual "oh im fine and dandy" was out of the way and he starts to talk to me I find that fine and dandy he is NOT. Taz is depressed and morose- all his friends have deserted him even as they give me love and support, he's too broken for even MY patience, I have ruined his life by leaving him (and I was completely ruthless and selfish and stubborn to do so), his remaining friend (his dealer) is going to jail, and he tried to slit his wrists.

Theres not a lot I can do now- during our relationship my own wellbeing was at risk and so I could only offer him so much support, now I'm on my own and that aspect of my life is settled I can offer him more caring support but only id he wants it- and it seems he doesnt want it. Hes bitter and sad and wont reach out to the people who can help him, cant reach out to the people who can help him, as he's alienated anyone who has helped me. "Im not angry at you" he says but the way hes acting sure looks like he's unhappy with me...

The good thing is that my life is now back on track- Im confident and enthusiastic about the future again, and because of that confidence I am strong enough to offer him support again- not as a lover, i think we proved that THAT wont work, but at least as a friend.

if only he'd be honest with me.