![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Sep. 23rd, 2004 02:41 pmSo Mo's going to be in Thailand in 31 hours. Im not looking forward to missing him, but I am looking forward to spending some time with Rick, and I'm also feeling something else.
At first I thought it was green-eyed J-word. (Of the 'covetous of another's situation' type, I hasten to add. Not the nasty 'threatened by competition' variety. Yes, people, 'jealousy' has 2 meanings.) Except it isnt. I had a good think about it this morning in my thinking room, while sitting on my thinking throne (dont ask where I was when I typed the first draft of this either).
I'm excited and happy at the thought of Mo having a fun holiday and doing some things I plan to do- return to Phuket, the Harley tour, the cute cowboy barman... ;-) I want him to enjoy himself, I think what I'm feeling is frustration at my own situation- living so far away from the boys, slightly out of the loop, in a job I cant quit just yet... The aim of all this sacrifice is to someday be in the situation the boys are in- its a process I must go through, and the process itself is kinda interesting, but dammit, some days I just want the result NOW.
At first I thought it was green-eyed J-word. (Of the 'covetous of another's situation' type, I hasten to add. Not the nasty 'threatened by competition' variety. Yes, people, 'jealousy' has 2 meanings.) Except it isnt. I had a good think about it this morning in my thinking room, while sitting on my thinking throne (dont ask where I was when I typed the first draft of this either).
I'm excited and happy at the thought of Mo having a fun holiday and doing some things I plan to do- return to Phuket, the Harley tour, the cute cowboy barman... ;-) I want him to enjoy himself, I think what I'm feeling is frustration at my own situation- living so far away from the boys, slightly out of the loop, in a job I cant quit just yet... The aim of all this sacrifice is to someday be in the situation the boys are in- its a process I must go through, and the process itself is kinda interesting, but dammit, some days I just want the result NOW.
