America in Gas Disaster

[growler_south]

As American gas prices sky rocket in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and the sterling leadership of a president who continues to pursue a military campaign against irrational religious-led violence because God told him to, reports are now reaching the international media of the horrifying steps some US citizens have been forced to take in order to keep mobile. Alarm bells were first set ringing by first hand reports of at least one man on the West Coast deciding to order a brand new Dodge Thrustfucker with a 5.7-litre engine, rather than the premium package 7.8-litre V8. However, this soon proved to be just the start of a series of measures that many desperate Americans are taking as the gas crisis takes hold. Several major US cities have reported multiple cases of drivers electing not to use their cars at all, even on long journeys such as from the donut store to the Starbucks at the other end of the block. Experts say such occurrences can only mean one thing; that the gas price situation has hit so hard, some Americans may even have taken to the last resort of 'walking'. "I saw this guy yesterday, he was moving along the street but he didn't have a car," said one shocked eye witness. "He was kind of moving his legs systematically, one after the other to achieve some sort of forward motion. I can't say how, but it sure looked like he was doing this without burning any gas whatsoever. May God have mercy on us all".
As the US gas crisis deepens and with no end in sight as yet, many Americans are now turning to their President to take action, hopefully by firing some missiles at A-rabs.

Oh, *naughty* SniffPetrol! Naughty!

Comments

[ink-ling.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! Spot on!

[boofbiker.livejournal.com]

haha that is funny. All I can think of are those two fat bleached blond women at the Apple Store in SF "Like oh my Gawd we could walk there it is just across the street, like oh my gawd" I still have that burned into my brain. LOLOL

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

Americans aren't used to the idea of walking anywhere. We live in these vast suburbs separated by distances unnavigable by foot. Except in SF and NYC, so American tourists there are flabbergasted.

[baerenjagd.livejournal.com]

Or 8 feet of snow and subzero temperatures which seperate the donut house from the Starbucks. Dammit!

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

What's the excuse for people who live in Florida then?

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

Arthritic hips?

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

Actually, that causal connection goes the other way. A friend of mine did her dissertation showing that as a group, people who walked more during their lives maintained healthier leg function and could walk well into old age. Suburbia is making us fat, creaky and dead.

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

Ridiculous heat and smothering humidity.

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

Driving cars only adds to the heat and humidity and worsens air quality. Next!

[sinnabor.livejournal.com]

Don't they just issue you a free snowmobile when you get your Alaska driver's license?

[baerenjagd.livejournal.com]

Snowshoes and a thermos.

[boofbiker.livejournal.com]

remember i am from a country where each capital city is a flight or a minimum 8 hours drive away. yet we dont get shocked about walking. Ok maybe I do. LOL

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

My understanding though (and I'll rely on you Kiwis to correct me if I'm wrong) is that although the cities and towns may be far flung, they're more walkable than US cities. Most people can walk from there house to a store. That's not true of where most Americans live, just those in cities like NYC or SF, or who live in the pre-WWII parts of towns.

[musclebearnz.livejournal.com]

Well not totally correct. I live in rural NZ, am one minutes drive from home to work, but I still drive..

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

Why?

[musclebearnz.livejournal.com]

because i'm not one of those stupid greenie eco f--ks that drives some crapped out old rusty bomb injecting bucket loads of hydracarbons into the atmosphere....LOL

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

Why not walk?

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

Arthritic hips? A tragedy at only 42...

Loveyoumeanit, Sir...

[boofbiker.livejournal.com]

You do know I am not a kiwi, I am a Aussie. LOL Even in our cities new housing estates are popping up everywhere and they do not have the correct facilities around them. i once lived in one and had to drive to a shop or a 30 minute walk. Mostly drove but sometimes the walk was nice.

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

My penis does not need fuel injection, nor does it care how many CCs my car's engine has. Apparently, this makes me quite the anomaly in this country.

I plan to buy a Honda Jazz when it finally debuts here - the model with the CVT that has a 7-speed "automanual" mode. It's geeky (and fuel efficient) enough to take the sting out of driving an automatic.

(My mother only gave up her standard transmission car when her arthritis in her hand and elbow got too bad; even then, she referred to the auto-trans car as her "old lady car." Hence my general attitude toward automatics....)

[pa747sp.livejournal.com]

Only poor people walk in America. Rich people drive to the gym, and walk there, on machines. It's different.

[sunsmogseahorse.livejournal.com]

Almost all the poor drive here too. It's one more thing that keeps them poor.