Ponders (condensed)

[growler_south]

Today I'm pondering the way I approach friendship and love. At the core of the issue is that I tend to go further with my friendships than many would feel comfortable with: I am fairly polyamorous. For the most part, its a good thing. I'm surrounded by friends who love me back, I enjoy giving and enriching my friends lives, and it makes my life richer too.

The downside is that I can give too much, spread myself too thinly, leading to disappointment when I'm not around or too busy with others. The other issue is guys mistaking my loving friendship for the love relationships are made of. It can be hard to say "I love you to bits, I want you bring you joy, I want to share so much with you, but no more than I do with all my friends"

Perhaps this explains why I feel most comfortable having affectionate friendships with guys who are in a relationship already: theres a bit of a barrier there, a bit of reassurance that theyre already taken and wont be following me around like puppydogs. (dont get that confused with the relationship I had with Rick and Mo though- what started out as a friendship rapidly escalated into full-blown love in that case, and though its ending is complex I dont regret a single decision.)

Given all that, I think the next issue to look at is how the way I comport myself relates to the relationships and friends I attract. Am I behaving in a way that helps my cause or hinders it?

Comments

[gregorbehr.livejournal.com]

Am I behaving in a way that helps my cause or hinders it?

Love never hinders. I think we're a bit a like in this. There are people I will tell, I Love You and mean it... but not in that, I love you and want to marry you and be together for ever and always sort of way.

You're a joyous man, full of life and love and always happy to share that with your mates. That can at times confuse people for something else... that "relationship" sort of love.

I don't think you can, nor should you change the sort of love you can offer people. Sometimes though, maybe you have to tell guys, that perhaps they have their signals mixed and you're not looking for.... but you do love them for their frienship.

Oh hell, what the fuck do I know???
But I do know I love you for being a great man with a joyful and loving spirit!

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

I was thinking more about the times i *dont* express my deep love to my friends. The casual shags, the occasional visit to the sex club, the wording on my online profiles which implies im up for casual/fleeting/insignificant friendships...

I want to make sure everyone gets the impression that I'm in it for the friendship and not for anythign casual, and wondering if some of the things I do/attitudes I have/ things I post online give the wrong impression. I do seem to keep attracting the "Hey wanna root" crowd as much as I attract loving people.

[gregorbehr.livejournal.com]

Well I suppose it depends on what you want. Sex is sex is sex... it becomes more when its with people you care about.
Who said you can't have two personas? The Growler who wants a good hot shag, and the Grant who cares and loves his mates very deeply. It just becomes how Grant tells his mates he loves them, without confusing it for wanting a relationship from them.

Or am I missing it?

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

Youve almost got it: I'm just not interested in sex that isnt with someone I care about. Thats just a physical act, and honestly if I just want physical then my hand will do a better job with less hassle. I can cum from physical sex, but I *get off* when its with someone I care about.