Ponders (condensed)

[growler_south]

Today I'm pondering the way I approach friendship and love. At the core of the issue is that I tend to go further with my friendships than many would feel comfortable with: I am fairly polyamorous. For the most part, its a good thing. I'm surrounded by friends who love me back, I enjoy giving and enriching my friends lives, and it makes my life richer too.

The downside is that I can give too much, spread myself too thinly, leading to disappointment when I'm not around or too busy with others. The other issue is guys mistaking my loving friendship for the love relationships are made of. It can be hard to say "I love you to bits, I want you bring you joy, I want to share so much with you, but no more than I do with all my friends"

Perhaps this explains why I feel most comfortable having affectionate friendships with guys who are in a relationship already: theres a bit of a barrier there, a bit of reassurance that theyre already taken and wont be following me around like puppydogs. (dont get that confused with the relationship I had with Rick and Mo though- what started out as a friendship rapidly escalated into full-blown love in that case, and though its ending is complex I dont regret a single decision.)

Given all that, I think the next issue to look at is how the way I comport myself relates to the relationships and friends I attract. Am I behaving in a way that helps my cause or hinders it?

Comments

[boofbiker.livejournal.com]

I think from my own experience that you can have friends you care about and also have sex. The boundries crossing over from what is a loving friendship to what a relationship is can be defined. I have a wonderful friend of 10 years and we still have sex when ever we see each other and I love him to bits, but I dont want to marry him.
I personally hope you dont change the way you interact with your current friends. being one of them I would feel sad if when we talk, hang out or play that our friendship love (not relationship love) wasn't there. that's one thing I have enjoyed from knowing you. We both like to get to know the person we are playing with. Not just a wham Bam fuck me man and go.
I also think I am lucky in that I do live 4 hours by plane away from you. It means the times we do spend together are great and wonderful but we also know it cant go beyond that. I would be honest in saying if I was in NZ or you here in Melbourne I would try and win your heart and I am sure many men who live away from you would like to as well. But, I know that is not possible so I love the friendship love we have and I would not want to lose that at all. So dont try and change to much just be yourself and be happy

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to change, my beautiful friend. I am, however, going to be more up front about where Im going and what I want out of my friend relationships. I dont want anyone to be hurt by my love, I want them to think about it and enjoy it for what it is without fear or false expectations. I will always love my friends and strive to give whats best for them, and if a relationship blooms then who am I to deny it?