Ponders (condensed)

[growler_south]

Today I'm pondering the way I approach friendship and love. At the core of the issue is that I tend to go further with my friendships than many would feel comfortable with: I am fairly polyamorous. For the most part, its a good thing. I'm surrounded by friends who love me back, I enjoy giving and enriching my friends lives, and it makes my life richer too.

The downside is that I can give too much, spread myself too thinly, leading to disappointment when I'm not around or too busy with others. The other issue is guys mistaking my loving friendship for the love relationships are made of. It can be hard to say "I love you to bits, I want you bring you joy, I want to share so much with you, but no more than I do with all my friends"

Perhaps this explains why I feel most comfortable having affectionate friendships with guys who are in a relationship already: theres a bit of a barrier there, a bit of reassurance that theyre already taken and wont be following me around like puppydogs. (dont get that confused with the relationship I had with Rick and Mo though- what started out as a friendship rapidly escalated into full-blown love in that case, and though its ending is complex I dont regret a single decision.)

Given all that, I think the next issue to look at is how the way I comport myself relates to the relationships and friends I attract. Am I behaving in a way that helps my cause or hinders it?

Comments

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

Well, do what is right for me, but recognise that others may not have thought about it so deeply: hence the need to explain before embarking on a deep friendship/relationship. Just doing what *I* want without considering others is selfish, and Im not that. At least, I try not to be.

[pa747sp.livejournal.com]

Thing is babe, others will not have thought about it deeply. At a societal level, it isn't thought about at all. THere is one model for relationships, and that is it. Hell, we dont even have a word for more than one partner. I think the frustration for you is that what seems so simple and logical will be outside the lexicon of many peoples thinking.
Yes, you are a considerate person. You know that I think in some ways,m in the past, you have been way to considerate, putting other peoples needs so far ahead of your own that I think it has had a real impact on your happiness. Still, I know you will not see this, and tell me it was all good in the long run.
Now, get over here and on the end of my dick.
And by the way, Ill be in AKL 21-26 April. Can we catch up? You don't even have to promise 'casual' sex.