Ponders (condensed)
Apr. 1st, 2005 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
growler_southToday I'm pondering the way I approach friendship and love. At the core of the issue is that I tend to go further with my friendships than many would feel comfortable with: I am fairly polyamorous. For the most part, its a good thing. I'm surrounded by friends who love me back, I enjoy giving and enriching my friends lives, and it makes my life richer too.
The downside is that I can give too much, spread myself too thinly, leading to disappointment when I'm not around or too busy with others. The other issue is guys mistaking my loving friendship for the love relationships are made of. It can be hard to say "I love you to bits, I want you bring you joy, I want to share so much with you, but no more than I do with all my friends"
Perhaps this explains why I feel most comfortable having affectionate friendships with guys who are in a relationship already: theres a bit of a barrier there, a bit of reassurance that theyre already taken and wont be following me around like puppydogs. (dont get that confused with the relationship I had with Rick and Mo though- what started out as a friendship rapidly escalated into full-blown love in that case, and though its ending is complex I dont regret a single decision.)
Given all that, I think the next issue to look at is how the way I comport myself relates to the relationships and friends I attract. Am I behaving in a way that helps my cause or hinders it?
The downside is that I can give too much, spread myself too thinly, leading to disappointment when I'm not around or too busy with others. The other issue is guys mistaking my loving friendship for the love relationships are made of. It can be hard to say "I love you to bits, I want you bring you joy, I want to share so much with you, but no more than I do with all my friends"
Perhaps this explains why I feel most comfortable having affectionate friendships with guys who are in a relationship already: theres a bit of a barrier there, a bit of reassurance that theyre already taken and wont be following me around like puppydogs. (dont get that confused with the relationship I had with Rick and Mo though- what started out as a friendship rapidly escalated into full-blown love in that case, and though its ending is complex I dont regret a single decision.)
Given all that, I think the next issue to look at is how the way I comport myself relates to the relationships and friends I attract. Am I behaving in a way that helps my cause or hinders it?
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Date: 2005-04-02 06:23 am (UTC)It can be a bit of heartbreak at times. Many guys want a boyfriend thing or nothing. Sometimes it feels like they "got away".
I think you're doing pretty well right now. I had a sweet time in Sydney with you, and I knew exactly how far it was going without talking about it. Then again, maybe that was just the weekend-fling thing. :-)