The mystery of girls.

[growler_south]

I've decided that all girls are alien life-forms that actually live on a diet of wood pulp. Oh, they *can* eat other things, and often do just to appear normal, but its dried and pressed wood-pulp that really makes them tick. Specifically soft, fluffy, absorbent wood-pulp sheets in handy roll form, usually found in the privacy of a bathroom for uninterrupted dining enjoyment.

How else do you explain this timeline:
Midnight Monday, Growler notices we're out of toilet paper. so retrieves a single roll from his emergency stash and installs it in the bathroom. Doesnt actually use any. 11pm Tuesday Growler runs to bathroom to find that its ALL GONE...

3 people in my flat, times 23 hours, does NOT equal one 400-sheet bogroll. Presuming you use 4 sheets per application, I calculate there would have to be someone using the toilet every 14 minutes!

FOURTEEN MINUTES people. You could lick every gutter in Calcutta for a week and never experience that sort of frequency.

Andrew swears he only used the toilet once in that period, which leaves Rebecca, the TP munching alien.

And they say they dont have teeth...

Comments

[lumberjackie-o.livejournal.com]

4 sheets per application?!?! sweetie - what are you wiping off with 4 sheets? is kiwi tp different than american? 4 sheets ain't nuthin'!! i MIGHT be able to dab up the dripping pee off my cock with 4 sheets but that would do NOTHING for me bum after a lovely...well, you know. hair guys use more paper too, keep that in mind! toilet duties aside - i hope you are sending positive thoughts our way - it's hours before the polls close here...hugs, cute boy.

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

>4 sheets is as long as my forearm. I could shit on the *floor* and mop it up with that.
>I know things are bigger in the US but you use 4 sheets to wipe your cock? its not THAT big buddy. And if it is then I'm booking you a flight to NZ right now!. BTW ever heard of shaking it?
>Hairy guys *do* use more paper, I should know, being a fuzzy-butt guy myself, but Andrew's not that hairy, and I sincerely hope Rebecca isnt either!!

Even if you go to 16 sheets (thats about 6 feet of paper!!) thats one movement every hour. You'd be exhausted, youd get no sleep, and you'd be damn hungry...

Girls eat toilet paper. With their vaginas dentata. Its the only explanation.