I tried...

[growler_south]

I really did.

Damn horny, arrived early, friendly bar run by my best mates, lots of dutch courage, I even forced myself to chat to strangers at the bar.

But once it got busy, once the sexy studs started arriving with their dark beards and smouldering looks, I lost my nerve. As usual. And fled the bar, waiting taxi, straight home, past cars I recognised, friends I wanted to see, who had arrived as I ran.

Why do i do this to myself? why do I even bother trying? I'm happy with thoughts of my Erich, with time alone, with work and social outings with my friends. Why do i keep thinking that casual sex would be fun? I mean, casual sex *would* be fun, if I could get past my nervousness. But it appears i cant do that- so why keep trying?

I should just admit defeat and become a hermit again. Until the day I move to Alaska.

Some days I just hate being me. And I'm still horny. but dont worry, a couple hours pitiful sobbing will fix that.

Comments

[digdusdownunda.livejournal.com]

i'll join you in that sob matey....-

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

Its frustrating isnt it! though you did kinda fall on your feet with Chris... :-)

[digdusdownunda.livejournal.com]

think i'm coming at that from a different angle...just fancy a sob...

[boofbiker.livejournal.com]

I know a few other people in your shoes right now. If you need a chat you know my number!

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

And I used it... thankyou for talkig last night mister, you made me feel heaps better. I just need to learn not to make the same mistakes over and over...

[boofbiker.livejournal.com]

I didnt think I helped at all. After you hung up I thought shit I was useless. Glad to hear i wasnt.

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

wish i could be your wing man!

i give good pep talks

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

I operate just fine when I have a wingman... of course, if it were *you*, I'd not be interested in anyone else at the bar anyway... wuff!

[whiskerfish.livejournal.com]

It is unreal how similar you and I are when it comes to this sort of stuff. Odder still is the fact that since we've met I find it that much harder to believe from you.
You are seemingly gregarious, well able for anything from a casual chat to a full blown conversation. You eyes melt the armour of any who approach and yet, somewhere inside of you, you are a scared little boy.
I am glad you didn't wanna run home when we first met!

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

It doesnt seem to happen when I'm with people I know and trust, only when I'm out on my own. I was fine at the bar chatting with Alan and Paul but once it got busy and they had to go and actually do some work *shock horror* it all kinda went downhill. Self-conscious, shy, quiet... run away! I think if someone took the time to approach me I'd be fine- but this is a gay bar we're talking about, its all about staring and not talking and that just freaks me out.

And as if I'd run away from you, ya big wooly stud. Besides I already knew you, really.

Thankyou for the kind words. I'm more philosophical about it all now I'm rested.

[f8n-begorra.livejournal.com]

Your shy side is a really beautiful side of you. In fact, you wouldn't be you without it, and we wouldn't be friends without it. Give it a kiss and welcome it to your world.

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

I accept it- except when I'm *this* horny and surrounded by cute guys I'm too shy to go and talk to. Aargh! so frustrating. Ah well, I'll move on. Besides, I have plenty of lovely men (like you and Fish) in my life already :-)

[gregorbehr.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure our chat helped last night, but as long as you remember you've got mates who really care about you and someone very special in Alaska waiting for you... you be the shy chap and not worry about it, because picking up a trick in a bar is not a measure of who you are as a person.

Be well and HAPPY little one!
HUGS
Auntie Gregie

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

And I will. I have freinds and love and for the rest I have porn and two perfectly good hands. And, as you said last night, a *huge* collection of toys. Or, is that a collection of *huge* toys? I forget. Anyway, thankyou for calling last night, it did help even though it was 0230 and I was puffy-eyed and sleepy.
*hugs back*

Sigh...

[auxugen.livejournal.com]

I ask myself the very same question all too often. Along with why do I belong to any particular crusing/sex sites. And while I can look at sex and think 'It's just sex' I can never seem to relax enough to enjoy the casual sex I occasionally go looking for, at least with picking up strangers. In theory *ahem* I've not had a problem with casual sex with friends though. Someone I know says something along the lines of it being good to fuck your friends or something like that. That too for me lately though is a distant memory while I try to 'recover' from a heinous past couple of years.

Don't be hard on yourself. Let your friends be hard in (no) with (er) on you. Rely upon your friends!

Re: Sigh...

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

I do rely on my friends, mostly, and its a good thing. But sometimes I get this goofy idea that I'm someone I'm not, and act on it, and end up disappointed and frustrated. I just need to learn from these mistakes I guess...

[pa747sp.livejournal.com]

Knowing
a) what a damn sexy,handsome man you are
b) that a decent proportion of damn sexy, handsome men would love to get nekkid with you
c) it's a mystery on a par with the Bermuda Triangle.

'Cept, I think you know the answer.

[baerenjagd.livejournal.com]

Read yer mail ya silly Git ;o) *LIXXX*

[musclebearnz.livejournal.com]

Save your money for your big trip

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

I will from now on, sir. ;-)

XX

[baerenjagd.livejournal.com]

Thank you! LOL

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

My problem is I can never tell if someone's interested (I've talked about this before) so I don't get freaked out the way you do. I can go out and hang out with friends and then the next day be told someone was drooling over me and I completely missed it.

Even though we've got different "bar issues," I do empathize....