I tried...

[growler_south]

I really did.

Damn horny, arrived early, friendly bar run by my best mates, lots of dutch courage, I even forced myself to chat to strangers at the bar.

But once it got busy, once the sexy studs started arriving with their dark beards and smouldering looks, I lost my nerve. As usual. And fled the bar, waiting taxi, straight home, past cars I recognised, friends I wanted to see, who had arrived as I ran.

Why do i do this to myself? why do I even bother trying? I'm happy with thoughts of my Erich, with time alone, with work and social outings with my friends. Why do i keep thinking that casual sex would be fun? I mean, casual sex *would* be fun, if I could get past my nervousness. But it appears i cant do that- so why keep trying?

I should just admit defeat and become a hermit again. Until the day I move to Alaska.

Some days I just hate being me. And I'm still horny. but dont worry, a couple hours pitiful sobbing will fix that.

Comments

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

It doesnt seem to happen when I'm with people I know and trust, only when I'm out on my own. I was fine at the bar chatting with Alan and Paul but once it got busy and they had to go and actually do some work *shock horror* it all kinda went downhill. Self-conscious, shy, quiet... run away! I think if someone took the time to approach me I'd be fine- but this is a gay bar we're talking about, its all about staring and not talking and that just freaks me out.

And as if I'd run away from you, ya big wooly stud. Besides I already knew you, really.

Thankyou for the kind words. I'm more philosophical about it all now I'm rested.