I tried...

Oct. 9th, 2005 12:24 am
growler_south: (Default)
[personal profile] growler_south
I really did.

Damn horny, arrived early, friendly bar run by my best mates, lots of dutch courage, I even forced myself to chat to strangers at the bar.

But once it got busy, once the sexy studs started arriving with their dark beards and smouldering looks, I lost my nerve. As usual. And fled the bar, waiting taxi, straight home, past cars I recognised, friends I wanted to see, who had arrived as I ran.

Why do i do this to myself? why do I even bother trying? I'm happy with thoughts of my Erich, with time alone, with work and social outings with my friends. Why do i keep thinking that casual sex would be fun? I mean, casual sex *would* be fun, if I could get past my nervousness. But it appears i cant do that- so why keep trying?

I should just admit defeat and become a hermit again. Until the day I move to Alaska.

Some days I just hate being me. And I'm still horny. but dont worry, a couple hours pitiful sobbing will fix that.

Date: 2005-10-08 11:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] digdusdownunda.livejournal.com
i'll join you in that sob matey....-

Date: 2005-10-08 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boofbiker.livejournal.com
I know a few other people in your shoes right now. If you need a chat you know my number!

Date: 2005-10-08 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] clintswan.livejournal.com
wish i could be your wing man!

i give good pep talks

Date: 2005-10-08 03:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whiskerfish.livejournal.com
It is unreal how similar you and I are when it comes to this sort of stuff. Odder still is the fact that since we've met I find it that much harder to believe from you.
You are seemingly gregarious, well able for anything from a casual chat to a full blown conversation. You eyes melt the armour of any who approach and yet, somewhere inside of you, you are a scared little boy.
I am glad you didn't wanna run home when we first met!

Date: 2005-10-08 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] f8n-begorra.livejournal.com
Your shy side is a really beautiful side of you. In fact, you wouldn't be you without it, and we wouldn't be friends without it. Give it a kiss and welcome it to your world.

Date: 2005-10-08 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gregorbehr.livejournal.com
I'm not sure our chat helped last night, but as long as you remember you've got mates who really care about you and someone very special in Alaska waiting for you... you be the shy chap and not worry about it, because picking up a trick in a bar is not a measure of who you are as a person.

Be well and HAPPY little one!
HUGS
Auntie Gregie

Sigh...

Date: 2005-10-08 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] auxugen.livejournal.com
I ask myself the very same question all too often. Along with why do I belong to any particular crusing/sex sites. And while I can look at sex and think 'It's just sex' I can never seem to relax enough to enjoy the casual sex I occasionally go looking for, at least with picking up strangers. In theory *ahem* I've not had a problem with casual sex with friends though. Someone I know says something along the lines of it being good to fuck your friends or something like that. That too for me lately though is a distant memory while I try to 'recover' from a heinous past couple of years.

Don't be hard on yourself. Let your friends be hard in (no) with (er) on you. Rely upon your friends!

Date: 2005-10-09 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pa747sp.livejournal.com
Knowing
a) what a damn sexy,handsome man you are
b) that a decent proportion of damn sexy, handsome men would love to get nekkid with you
c) it's a mystery on a par with the Bermuda Triangle.

'Cept, I think you know the answer.

Date: 2005-10-09 06:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baerenjagd.livejournal.com
Read yer mail ya silly Git ;o) *LIXXX*

Date: 2005-10-09 09:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] musclebearnz.livejournal.com
Save your money for your big trip

Date: 2005-10-11 12:11 am (UTC)
ext_173199: (Buddy Bears)
From: [identity profile] furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com
My problem is I can never tell if someone's interested (I've talked about this before) so I don't get freaked out the way you do. I can go out and hang out with friends and then the next day be told someone was drooling over me and I completely missed it.

Even though we've got different "bar issues," I do empathize....
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