I tried...

[growler_south]

I really did.

Damn horny, arrived early, friendly bar run by my best mates, lots of dutch courage, I even forced myself to chat to strangers at the bar.

But once it got busy, once the sexy studs started arriving with their dark beards and smouldering looks, I lost my nerve. As usual. And fled the bar, waiting taxi, straight home, past cars I recognised, friends I wanted to see, who had arrived as I ran.

Why do i do this to myself? why do I even bother trying? I'm happy with thoughts of my Erich, with time alone, with work and social outings with my friends. Why do i keep thinking that casual sex would be fun? I mean, casual sex *would* be fun, if I could get past my nervousness. But it appears i cant do that- so why keep trying?

I should just admit defeat and become a hermit again. Until the day I move to Alaska.

Some days I just hate being me. And I'm still horny. but dont worry, a couple hours pitiful sobbing will fix that.

Comments

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

My problem is I can never tell if someone's interested (I've talked about this before) so I don't get freaked out the way you do. I can go out and hang out with friends and then the next day be told someone was drooling over me and I completely missed it.

Even though we've got different "bar issues," I do empathize....