I tried...

[growler_south]

I really did.

Damn horny, arrived early, friendly bar run by my best mates, lots of dutch courage, I even forced myself to chat to strangers at the bar.

But once it got busy, once the sexy studs started arriving with their dark beards and smouldering looks, I lost my nerve. As usual. And fled the bar, waiting taxi, straight home, past cars I recognised, friends I wanted to see, who had arrived as I ran.

Why do i do this to myself? why do I even bother trying? I'm happy with thoughts of my Erich, with time alone, with work and social outings with my friends. Why do i keep thinking that casual sex would be fun? I mean, casual sex *would* be fun, if I could get past my nervousness. But it appears i cant do that- so why keep trying?

I should just admit defeat and become a hermit again. Until the day I move to Alaska.

Some days I just hate being me. And I'm still horny. but dont worry, a couple hours pitiful sobbing will fix that.

Comments

[gregorbehr.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure our chat helped last night, but as long as you remember you've got mates who really care about you and someone very special in Alaska waiting for you... you be the shy chap and not worry about it, because picking up a trick in a bar is not a measure of who you are as a person.

Be well and HAPPY little one!
HUGS
Auntie Gregie

[growler-south.livejournal.com]

And I will. I have freinds and love and for the rest I have porn and two perfectly good hands. And, as you said last night, a *huge* collection of toys. Or, is that a collection of *huge* toys? I forget. Anyway, thankyou for calling last night, it did help even though it was 0230 and I was puffy-eyed and sleepy.
*hugs back*